What was that? Why shouldn’t I set lofty goals?
I’ve recently been thinking a lot about goals. Some of the things I’ve done are listening to podcasts about setting big, scary goals (which I really do love and recommend), making a vision board for myself, and I’ve written down some goals I want to work towards. I’ve even recently taken a big step in my blogging career to become an affiliate for Ultimate Bundles. (Can I tell you how much I love their resources? I probably will in another post).
I’m excited to work towards becoming a better me. I’ve even finally started addressing my weight, which has become a major issue for me this last year. I want to encourage others to do the same.
However, I also believe there are times when we should not be reaching for the stars, the moon, or even Mt. Everest-at least not in earnest.
More accurately, there are times when we need to temper and ground our focus. There are times we need to allow ourselves grace.
What Do I Mean? Let me tell you a story to illustrate.
I’ve been a scrapbooker since I was a teenager. I started with acid-free 8.5×11″ paper I had to get from one specialty store about 50 miles from my house. We had die cuts and not much else. Scrapbooking has gone through many evolutions through the years, and I’ve done pages, layouts and books throughout it all.
Before I had Firstborn, I had dreams of working on beautiful baby books and catching up on my scrapbooking while my little angel blissfully napped. I would be home and not working at a 9-5 job as I had been, so I thought I would have oodles of time.
Didn’t happen.
What did happen was I realized the advice to “nap when the baby naps” is golden. I discovered babies increase the amount of laundry you have to do exponentially. Not only do they soil their own clothing, they soil yours.
At inconvenient times.
With projectile spit-up.
My goals were lofty, but never terribly realistic. I lacked the experience to know it wasn’t my season for that endeavor. I still scrapbook, and I am so far behind right now it’s laughable.
And I’m okay with that.
My goal to have dozens and dozens of beautifully handcrafted scrapbooks has morphed and evolved over the years. I’ve kept the goal of wanting to scrapbook, but I also granted myself grace to focus on the most important things first. The most important things? My relationships with God and my family.
How many things can we do well?
Someone once told me you can only do three things really well at one period of your life. I’m not sure if that is true or not, but I know it feels true. Have you ever noticed when you focus on a major project, if you’re paying attention to your family and relationship with God, the house starts to fall apart in terms of dishes and tidiness? Or when you have a couple of days of running around, things get messier and messier? Or if you manage to get the project done, and clean the house, you might have had a shortened temper with your little ones?
If you refer to my post on juggling, there is also a link to an article about the mathematics of juggling. In strict terms of juggling, it is possible to juggle more than three balls at a time, but it means you have to throw the balls higher and you don’t have your hands on them as much as you might with three balls. One wrong calculation with a ball you’re juggling, and you can send it wildly astray.
Sometimes the decision what to juggle is out of your control
There are periods in your life which will mandate the kind and number of balls you have to juggle. If you have a small baby, you need to be available to your baby to hold, comfort, feed, change, bathe, etc. If your kids are older, but have special needs, they’ll need extra time and attention too. Teaching your child to sit up, read, write, clothe him/her self all take time. We willingly and lovingly do it because we want our children to reach his/her individual potential. These stages are not something you have very much control over. A two-year-old needs a different and more time-consuming supervision than a teenager. Yet the teenager also needs positive time together with you so the teachable moments and deep conversations have a chance to happen. Keep juggling those most important balls. It’s okay if the others sit on the sidelines for a bit.
An example from our lives: My husband has traveled quite a bit in our lives because of his career. It started when Firstborn was just two weeks old. There was a point when I had three kids three and under and he traveled. I was struggling trying to do it all until I talked to a counselor and realized it was okay to set my goals lower.
In the end, I decided if at the end of the day my kids were all fed, in bed and had felt loved, it was a good day. If I managed to keep up on dishes, it was a great day. A trip to the grocery store with all of them was absolutely fantastic. When my bar was set to the absolutely essential things, we were all happier. I wasn’t stressed, angry or yelling, and my kids weren’t stressed either. It wasn’t the time for me to do lots of other things.
That’s not to say you have to give up on your dreams altogether. I did manage to scrapbook a bit during those years. My sisters and I would occasionally get together to scrapbook from time to time. The time with my sisters was rejuvenating to my soul. It was really probably the conversations we had during the time we spent crafting something with our hands, but whatever it was, it helped me keep going.
I never produced the dozens upon dozens of albums I envisioned, but I did I find tools that made things easier, (and they have continued to get easier as technology has evolved). More importantly though, my kids felt (and feel) loved. I learned to focus on what matters most, recognize when I need to sharpen the saw, and ask for help when I need it.
Give Yourself Permission
We don’t have to do it all. And we certainly don’t have to do it all right now. Incremental progress is okay. Repeat that to yourself. Incremental progress is okay.
My life–So right now, I have boxes and boxes of photos, memorabilia and hand-jotted notes and journals that tell me the story of us. In the past I’ve stored those things with the idea I would someday scrapbook them. Technology has shifted A LOT in the 30+ years since I started scrapbooking. My current goal is to scan and digitize the older memorabilia and pictures. I recognize this is an incredibly busy time for us, so I recently got some help with scanning the memorabilia. (Remember it is important to know when to ask for help?)
It’s okay to not do everything. It’s okay to step back, examine your life and determine where your highest priorities are. It’s okay to focus on the absolute essentials. You can dream big, if you remember you are human and have finite time, energy and resources. If you can’t remember that, then don’t set the big goals. If you can remember that tiny steps are still progress, then by all means take steps towards your big dreams. Take steps that are small you can work into the bigger picture of your life and priorities. Give yourself permission to say no to anything but the essential. Give yourself permission to ask for help.
What does that mean for 8 Busy Bees?
I am going to take my own advice and cut my posting schedule down to once per week until we complete our move. I may post additional content from time to time, but my goal is to post on Mondays. School is ending, I need to finish preparations and repairs on our home, earnestly search for a new home, and coordinate the actual move. It will be hard leaving here after 10 years, but we need to be done with the long commute. I appreciate your understanding and support. I am continuing to work on some great resources behind the scenes, and I look forward to sharing those with you in the future. I’m not giving up on this awesome journey, but I have realized I need to take tinier steps.
So until next week, have a “Bee-utiful” Day.