Last week I woke up with a start with all of the things I had to do running through my brain. I was feeling overwhelmed and wrote about how I cope with all the stress in the midst of overwhelm. Lately it feels like I’ve been caught in a life riptide. I keep trying to swim, but I keep getting pulled further and further from shore.
For those who are new to the blog, in the last month and a half (in no particular order) we sent one kid to string camp, traveled across the country for a family reunion, discovered several of my kids had contracted lice, fought the lice, welcomed home one kid from Germany, sent two boys to scout camp, went house hunting, found a house, realized some things about the current job which means we aren’t moving at the moment, sent one of the boys to a second scout camp and then a two-day youth conference, started summer magnet math, got hit by a car on the freeway (my car is totaled), dealt with concussion and sprains of my neck and shoulders, sent another child to a summer reading program, had the dishwasher break and get repaired, lose my best pair of eye glasses, find out we missed a louse and fight round two against lice, and to top it all off I got a boil on my leg from an ingrown hair.
Yep, that was one run-on sentence, and one crazy month and a half.
When life keeps pulling you further and further from shore, you need to realize you are caught in a riptide of sorts. The way to get out of a riptide is to swim parallel to shore until you are no longer being pulled out to sea. When you have escaped the riptide you can again focus on swimming back to shore. Instinct may cause you to want to swim as quickly back to shore as you can, but it just doesn’t work. You have to realize you’re not going to get back immediately, nor will you get back the same way you got pulled away from shore. You have to shift direction and/or find a way to stay afloat until the dragging forces dissipate.
This last year with my husband commuting to his job was rough. Recently his bosses told him they want the project he was hired to do completed by December 31, 2019. We talked about whether it was worth uprooting our structure-needing family for essentially 18 months left of a project. This was an agonizing decision and one we prayed about a lot. In the end we decided to keep our kids where they are at. We’re keeping our support systems in place, and making some changes to how we do things. (We changed our direction).
How to change direction and escape a metaphorical riptide.
Employ coping techniques when it is especially rough so you can stay afloat.
I wrote about my first line of defense coping mechanisms last week–humor and meditation/prayer are two of my favorites.
Look at how you got to where you are and what isn’t working for you-then change your direction.
After we finally got the laundry that comes with fighting lice under control, and my daughter’s hair was free of nits, nymphs and lice for several days, I began to feel like I had finally surfaced from all the breaking waves. I realized one of the rough spots for this last year was the isolation we felt from my husband and that he felt away from us. Our change in direction is we now have a standing appointment each night (same time) to Skype together as a family. We’ve been doing it for one week and it’s made a huge difference already.
Swim parallel to shore
It’s physical work swimming parallel to the seashore. And it may be frustrating because you’re not getting any closer to shore while you are expending that effort and energy. It’s a necessary process though.
One of my family’s big problems right how easily it can be to get overwhelmed when I try to do it all. When I am overly tired and stressed, I tend to have less patience than I want. Trying to do it all is a common problem for most moms. I recently watched a webinar with Ruth Soukup of Living Well, Spending Less, where she verbally gave us all permission to use “cheater” methods to handle our to-do lists. That webinar helped free me from the guilt I was having at not being so together. I know we all have our struggles. Sometimes we just need to hear it from someone else, or get permission from them so we give up the guilt and allow ourselves some grace. I give you that permission too.
So right now we are doing the work of switching up routines and expectations–We are swimming parallel to shore to set ourselves up for better success.
One example–I’ve recruited the kids to help me with meal planning and preparation. I subscribe to a menu planning service. The service does the work at looking at seasonality and store ads to create meal plans of all sorts. I have the kids each pick a meal they want to make/help with, I pick out the groceries online and then I pick them up. It’s saved us time and money (I’m not impulse buying). Then each child helps or makes dinner. We have less leftovers because they have been involved in the process. BONUS: My youngest boy (Acroboy) has received occupational/food therapy in the past, and he’s trying new things with this method.
Once you’re free of the dragging forces, swim back to shore
In the same webinar, I was reminded to always keep my big goals in mind and to break them into smaller goals. Then break the smaller goals into even smaller pieces I can do each month, week and day.
I’ve known about all these steps. I used to teach this when I worked for Franklin Covey in the early days of my marriage (and before I completed my degree). I had forgotten though, and I needed to be reminded.
My top three goals for the rest of 2018 are to lose 30 lbs, declutter my home (converting 90% of the physical memorabilia we have into digital scans/photos), and grow this blog to 5,000 followers. (You can help this last goal by sharing my blog with your friends and family).
Keeping these goals in mind has already been helping me with better choices. A brief example–I was feeling stressed and a bit hungry. I wanted something cold and chocolatey-like ice cream. I chose instead to make a chocolate protein drink sweetened with Stevia and ice. It hit my craving and was infinitely healthier for me. I also had a productive day where I cleared mulitple smaller projects out of craft pile. (It was a declutter move). The best part was I was able to work alongside my daughters.
Sometimes we are tired and need help. Keep floating and wave your hands to attract help.
It’s okay to ask for help. No one, (and I mean no one) has to do it alone. There is help somewhere. If you don’t know where help is, start asking where you might find it. If you have a special needs child, or are caring for an aging parent/spouse, did you know there are organizations that will provide respite care? Sometimes just a few hours alone doing something you love helps reinvigorate you. If you are struggling to get out of the house without kids, find another friend to swap child watching with. If you are feeling like you are alone and the only one with a very particular problem, chances are there is a community online who has the same struggles you do. (Check out my Facebook group for special needs families here).
We never know what life is going to hit us with. One minute things are fine and the next we are struggling.
The vicissitudes of life are part of this whole mortal experience. Keeping our heads afloat and readjusting our headings is part of the process. I am personally not where I want to be just yet (shoreline). But I know I’m getting closer because I’ve readjusted my headings. We’ve been working out the new routines which helps so much. And finally, I’ve put a copy of my goals on the wall so I keep them in sight at all times.
I know you can get to where you want to be too.
Good luck, God bless and have a “bee”-utiful day.
Momma Bee
#fighttheoverwhelm